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creativity
December 2009 
horror as foundational felt sense
Posted on Jul 16th, 2009
by 
neverness
neverness
recently the story of the swan song was shared with me. In northern European countries, as summer moves to fall and fall winter, swans are sometimes caught in ice by a quick drop in temperature. So there they sometimes are, these beautiful creatures with their legs caught in ice. They are of course targets for predators—foxes largely—and they seem to know their fate as they emit a piercing plaintive cry throughout the night. This cry is the swan song. By morning, usually all that remains are stubs of legs trapped in the ice.
this story of the swan song, sent me down an interesting road...
as i read the story, i found myself opening into a felt sense that emanated from when i was very young -- the felt sense of horror. i once wrote that awe is the fundamental felt sense of an existential spirituality. i farther delineated awe into two prongs -- that of wonder and terror. wonder being associated with the felt sense from our dance of communion and terror being associated with the felt sense of agency.
the appellation of terror always felt not quite right. it felt derivative. now with this new dance with horror, i see that terror contains within it the fear of a future event, ie like the existentialist peering into the void and noticing the rising terror within their being as they contemplate their utter annihilation. horror, on the other hand, i find to be a direct experience of life. it inundates my every day, as i sense the myriad captured swans of every species plaintively crying. indeed their laments can easily drown out all other voices.
in fact, in significant ways, trying to shut up this mewling horde is what drove me into the stygian netherland. sometimes i burrowed deeper to simply find silence. at other times, i searched for a panacea that would heal humanity’s core wound.
i find that in cultivating awe, of walking the balance of wonder and horror, i step ever more into this moment, and i am taken on currents that flow back to the big bang where we arose. when i fall into that initial diamond of life that birthed from nothingness, where all senses disappear into now; i find our shared breath, our synchronized heart, our pristine will. and i come fully into myself, inhabiting the facet that i am.
i sense that this diamond heart is lifes fractal. as such it is our birthright. and, when we embrace this multifaceted diamond heart, we become sparkling life. from here the answer to horror is clear -- to be life ever more completely.
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this is beautiful. thank you.
interesting distinctions - the idea of terror being what fears a future event and horror being more of a pole to your present moment.
great post.